


till I disappear

by TechnoSkittles



Series: Adora Mind Wipe AU [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, buckle up kiddos, it gets.....bad, like real bad, multi-chap installment of my adora mind wipe au, will keep updating tags as I post more chapters, you're in for a ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 23:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16942488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnoSkittles/pseuds/TechnoSkittles
Summary: She was getting progressively worse.Shadow Weaver said that erasing Adora's memories of She-Ra and the Rebellion would fix things. And Catra was naive enough to believe her. No, desperate enough to believe her.Catra just wanted things to be normal again.





	till I disappear

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I'm back! I originally wasn't going to do anymore for this AU, but then I got an idea and now....here I am. This will be multiple chapters but not necessarily super long. 
> 
> I also don't know when the second chapter will be up. I'm currently finishing up finals right now, so hopefully not too long, but I'm also very tired and probably need time to recuperate after this hectic semester. So I'll do my best! Just be patient with me.
> 
> Also, highly recommend listening to Love by lordeangel for the last part (when they're in the locker room). Not required but....it is. Listen to it. Feel the pain. Try and find the slowed version if ya can.

It was a rarity to be the first one awake. Normally she was the one that overslept and had to be kicked awake by a frantic Adora rushing her to get changed for their morning drills. She'd always been the more studious one - obedient.

But when Catra woke up today, she turned around to see Adora still curled up in bed, sleeping soundly. A quick cursory glance around the barracks revealed that they were alone; the others must've already gotten up and headed to the training grounds. Taking some time for a leisurely stretch, Catra yawned and pushed away the tendrils of sleep clinging to her frame. With a audible pop of the joints in her shoulders and a grunt of relief, she finally turned to Adora and nudged her shoulder.

"Hey loser. Time to get up before we're late."

Adora stirred with a groan but other than that she didn't budge a single inch. Catra's eyebrow twitched.

"Adora! We gotta get up and go before Shadow Weaver busts an artery. Come on." When no answer came she crawled over so that she was hovering over her, arms on either side of Adora's head to support her as she leaned close. "I think you're close to finally becoming Force Captain, but you'll never get there if you don't.  _Wake! Up!"_  she said, shouting the last bit.

Finally, Adora rolled over onto her back and her hands flew up to press to her ears. "Catra! Shut. Up!" Her face was twisted in pain and she whimpered softly before her eyes cracked open to peer at Catra. She could tell that she was trying to send her a glare, but there wasn't any actual heat to back it. "I have a  _headache_."

Catra flinched back, reeling onto her haunches. "Again?" she asked in exasperation, trying to hide the nauseating guilt that retched in her stomach.

Adora nodded.

With a sigh, Catra rocked herself to her feet and stretched her arms above her head again. "Alright. I'll go get you some water. But you better be dressed when I get back!" And without another word she headed towards the door, only pausing to look at Adora one last time. She was still laying there, clutching her head and breathing slowly.

Catra walked briskly through the hall towards the latrines, knowing that time was of the essence. They needed to get to training on time, otherwise their supervisor would be pissed. And then he'd tell Shadow Weaver who'd be even  _more_  pissed and would inevitably blame it all on Catra. Even though it was all  _her_  fault.

Upon entering the bathroom, Catra beelined for the sink, grabbing a cup and filling it up with the tap. As the water sloshed into the cup, she stared, lost in thought. The past few months had been….long. Long and painful and  _crazy_  and all she wanted was for things to go back to normal already. Shadow Weaver assured her and the others that they would soon enough, but as days passed and the side effects worsened, Catra was beginning to have her doubts.

When the cup filled she turned off the tap and walked quickly back to the barracks. When she arrived she wasn't very surprised to see Adora still laying in bed cradling her head, not having moved an inch. Catra's brow creased in worry when she noticed that her breathing had grown more erratic and saw the fist clenched around the thin blanket covering her.

Catra walked over and crouched down beside Adora and extended the cup of water out. "Here. Drink up and get dressed. We gotta get going."

Blue eyes fluttered open and Adora winced but sat up regardless and took the water from Catra. She downed it in a few gulps, not taking a moment for air until she was finished. Catra watched her, scrutinizing her actions as if she could pinpoint exactly what was ailing her to beat it away. Adora must have noticed from the corner of her eye because she sighed and shoved the cup into Catra's chest as she kicked off her blanket.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Feeling better now, are we?" Catra quipped with a smirk. She chuckled when Adora huffed and ripped her jacket from her bed post, whipping it on and buckling it as Catra stood.

"Hardly. Let's go." And then she was marching out of the barracks, leaving Catra to stumble after her.

The walk to the training grounds was mostly silent - an oddity for them. Normally they laughed and joked, working to push the others' buttons in order to get them riled up for a good fight, but lately those days were fewer and further between. Nowadays, it was mostly silence and strained tension. Now, Adora was just never in the mood and Catra didn't have the heart.

They arrived just in time, walking in to see the rest of their team grouped together and just before their supervisor arrived clutching a clipboard. A hush befell the room when they entered. Lonnie shot them a heated glare and Catra returned it tenfold.

Lonnie had been the most reluctant to accept Adora back. In fact, she'd been the one to stir up a major fuss about it, but one sharp look from Shadow Weaver and a harsh biting command had been enough to shut her up. At least, temporarily. When Adora wasn't around, Catra always overheard her complaining to the rest of the team, and though none of the others said anything out loud, she knew that they all agreed with her.

But they were all afraid of what Shadow Weaver would do to them if they questioned her to her face and were  _terrified_  of what would become of them if they were to accidentally let the truth slip.

So they remained distant and cold as a consolation, leaving Adora confused and Catra seething.

"Alright team," announced their supervisor, his deep booming voice captivating them all. "Today will be some standard drills. Nothing flashy. You'll be sparring one-on-one. We'll divvy you up into pairs: winner will move on to fight the next, and so on and so forth until we have a final victor." He looked over all the cadets standing at attention. "Catra and Kyle will go first."

Kyle whimpered and Catra smirked. Now that was just too easy.

She felt a nudge to her side and looked over to Adora who was giving her a small, mischievous grin. "Go easy on him, yeah?"

Catra shrugged and returned the smile, briefly elated to see Adora look so much like her old self. "And where would the fun be in that?"

Adora laughed then hissed in pain a second later, her hand coming up to her head. The smile melted off Catra's face immediately and that sickening feeling returned with a vengeance. She brought her grin back with a great deal of effort and nudged Adora back. "Then again, I can always toss it and let you handle the easy fodder."

Adora frowned and Catra knew immediately she'd said the wrong thing. Dammit. "You don't have to pity me, you know." And then she walked to the side of the arena with the rest of the cadets, standing with her arms crossed.

Catra sighed before walking out to the middle of the arena to stand across from Kyle who was looking at her with an indeterminate amount of fear wracking his entire body. It would've been hilarious on another occasion, but right now it was pathetically sad and Catra just wasn't in a mood to revel in it.

Once the supervisor gave them the go, Catra lunged and Kyle recoiled, only remembering at the last second to throw up his staff to feebly block Catra's attack. It didn't take much strength to push past the weak defense and in record time, the match was over, Kyle laying on the ground and Catra standing over him, not even a hitch in her breath.

"Kyle that was  _lame_!" Lonnie called from the sidelines with a smirk. The rest of the team laughed while Kyle groaned in humiliation. He shakily got to his feet, dejectedly handing off his staff to the supervisor who was writing on his clipboard.

Catra looked over to Adora whose arms were still crossed, but she was smiling so that had to at least be a good sign.

"Okay, up next: Lonnie and Adora!"

Catra sauntered over to Adora and passed off her staff and patted her on the shoulder. "Don't disappoint me, babe."

Adora rolled her eyes at the nickname before taking the staff and twirling it a couple times before resting it on her other shoulder. "When have I ever?"

Catra remained silent at that, instead stepping out of the way and removing her hand to let Adora step up to the playing field. Lonnie was already there, staff gripped tightly in her fists and a determined scowl set on her face. A fire burned behind her eyes - she was out for  _blood_. Normally, Catra wouldn't have been concerned in the slightest; in all their years, Adora has been able to wipe the floor with each and every one of them without hardly breaking a sweat. But now…

Her eyes flicked over to Adora who stood with her own bout of confidence about her, but there was a shakiness to her stance and something just wasn't...right. Her claws dug into her arm, breath held in anticipation as they all awaited the command to sound out.

"Go!"

Lonnie was the first to react, springing into action with her staff out to her side. Adora didn't move, waiting for Lonnie to approach before side stepping and swinging around her staff to block Lonnie's blow from her left. Her feet skidded across the floor with the force, but before she had even regained solid footing, she ducked low and threw her hands to the ground, knees bent before extending one out to knock Lonnie off her feet.

But her movements were slow and unsteady and Lonnie jumped over with ease, bringing her staff high with both hands before bringing it down with shout. Adora tucked and rolled out of the way, narrowly missing the brunt of the force that landed on the floor instead. She recovered quickly and sprung up, but she wasn't quick enough because Lonnie was on her again, staff swiping at her feet now. She leapt over cleanly, landing on one foot and spinning around to deliver a swift kick to Lonnie's midsection and knocking her aside, landing the first hit of the fight.

Catra swelled with a semblance of pride, her muscles tense and heart aflutter as she silently cheered her on. In the past, she'd always watched Adora fight with a hint of resentment, always hating how much of a natural she was in the battlefield. Yet now, Lonnie  _totally_  had it coming.

Speak of the devil, Lonnie had just recovered from the blow, stance terse, ready to go on the offense again, but Adora was already on her, thrusting her staff forward to deliver another blow. Lonnie raised her staff to block, but Adora changed tactics without warning, twirling on her feet and side stepping around her to whack her across the shoulder blades. Lonnie cried out in a mixture of pain and frustration before whipping around, blindly swinging her staff in an attempt to desperately land her first blow, but Adora had moved again. Now she was on Lonnie's left, catching her neck with her elbow, then moving around again while she was stunned and using the advantage she'd gained to hook her staff around the back of her neck to bring her down enough for Adora to knee her in the nose.

Lonnie cried out as she stumbled backwards, disoriented and getting increasingly  _pissed_. Adora stood a few bounds away and brought her staff in front of her, gripping it with both hands and pointing it outwards as if she were holding….

A flash of glowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes intruded Catra's thoughts and she bit her lip.

It took another second for Lonnie to recover and Adora stood stoically in wait while she did. If anything, this only served to infuriate Lonnie more, knowing that Adora was so ahead in the fight that she could just patiently wait for her opponent to regain their bearings. Catra could see the rage take over and she felt some semblance of satisfaction that amongst everything else, Adora hadn't lost her touch.

Lonnie lunged forward again with a battle cry, staff outstretched to her side as she ran. At the last second she raised it to bring it down on Adora's head but her reflexes saved her with time to spare when she twisted her arms to block the blow, still holding her staff like a sword. Lonnie's midsection was wide open now and Adora seized the opportunity, thrusting her arms up and knocking Lonnie's weapon from her hands, effectively disarming her. Then she delivered a solid kick to her stomach, knocking her down and causing her to slide across the floor.

The rest of the team awed over the feat, cheering before they were quickly silenced by the supervisor. Lonnie raised herself to her elbows, delivering a heated glare to the sidelines, before gasping and rolling out of the way of Adora's next blow. Before Adora could right herself, Lonnie was on her feet, running towards her discarded staff.

Stupid.

Her back was to Adora now, so she didn't see her rush up on her running form, swinging her staff to knock her off her path and causing her to stumble and clutch her side in pain. But she stood firm, bent over and huffing with exertion but eyes still burning with fight in them.

Catra had to hand it to her. She was a formidable opponent. A hotheaded one, but formidable nonetheless.

The two stood there, facing off, a weighted tension in the air. It was like this for a few seconds, long enough Catra was sure the supervisor was going to say something to get them moving again when Lonnie spoke.

"So even with all that time away you're still so cocky because you're Shadow Weaver's favorite?" When Adora didn't respond, she scoffed. "I honestly don't get what she sees in you that she's so desperate to keep you around despite everything."

"Cadets!"

Adora looked confused now but she didn't let up her guard for a second. Her silence only seemed to spur Lonnie's anger, enough so that it prompted her to attack armless. Catra smirked. Game, set, and match. She always knew that Lonnie's hotheadedness would be her downfall, but it was still sad to watch.

When Lonnie approached, Adora was ready, her staff was at the ready and her footing was solid enough to block any weak blow that she would deliver. Lonnie reeled her fist back to try and land a punch and Adora raised her staff to block, but this left her torso wide open. Clearly, Lonnie was expecting that reaction because while she allowed her punch to be blocked, her other hand reached out and grabbed the front of Adora's shirt and pulled her forward. This knocked Adora off balance, allowing Lonnie to easily pull her down to her knees and swivel around her and deliver a resounding kick to the back of Adora's head. Adora screamed in pain, falling forward onto her stomach, face scrunched in undeniable pain.

Catra gasped and stepped forward, her eyes wide.  _Oh no_.

Lonnie then bent over and wrenched Adora's staff from her limp hands before delivering another harsh kick to her side. Adora cried out again, but Catra knew that the blow to her side had hardly registered with the way that she was whimpering and clutching her head.

_Oh no oh no oh no._

Satisfaction fell on Lonnie like a crown bestowed upon a queen and Catra wanted to claw the haughty smirk off her dumb face. They all stood there with baited breath, waiting for the supervisor to call the match and end it all.

He didn't.

Anticipation hung in the air like the sweltering heat of the desert, suffocating them all as they watched the two on the field, neither moving.

Adora wasn't getting up.

 _Oh god oh no_.

Catra looked over to the supervisor, expecting him - no,  _silently begging him_  - to fucking  _call the match already_ , but he stood there silently, watching the other two closely, clipboard clutched in his hands. Waiting.

Waiting for  _what_?

Catra didn't have to wait long for her answer because eventually, with a grunt and pained whimper, Adora stirred and slowly, agonizingly slowly rose up to her knees. Her breathing was erratic and labored and she still hadn't opened her eyes, but she was still getting up. She was still trying to fight.

That  _dumbass_.

Adora's persistence only seemed to amuse Lonnie who looked down at her with a victorious smirk, knowing what they all already knew - Lonnie had won this time. For once, Adora was on her knees, defeated and in pain and Lonnie had been the one to put her there. The victory must've been sweet, but Catra could only taste the bitterness of the bile threatening to rise up her throat.

After a few more moments of kneeling there in pain, Adora finally rose her chin to look Lonnie square in the eyes, brow furrowed in mostly pain, but Catra could see the ounce of defiance powering her forward. That stupid, dumb, stubborn defiance that was exactly the reason she was even here to begin with.

"You know," she huffed out. "Green isn't a good color on you, Lonnie."

The smile on Lonnie's face faded away, shadowed by a rising anger. Her muscles tensed and her grip around the staff tightened. Catra could see from a mile away what was about to go down.

"Lonnie, wait!" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. But her words fell on deaf ears because Lonnie had already poised her staff high, knuckles white from clutching it so tightly and her eyes were dead set on her target.

Before Catra knew what she was doing, her legs were moving. She hardly heard the mangle of shouts behind her as she closed in on the two and barely registered the pain from cold, biting metal impacting her forearm, brought down with enough force to bruise her to the bone and enough inertia to rebound off her cheekbone. Pain blossomed in both spots, but they were dull compared to the raging fire that engulfed her in Lonnie's eyes.

There was a stunned silence throughout the room as everyone took time to collect themselves and come to terms with what happened. Lonnie exploded at the same time as their commanding officer.

"Interference!"

"Catra what the  _fuck_!"

In moments their supervisor had approached them and roughly yanked Catra away and tossed her aside. He glared daggers at her, but Catra wasn't swayed in the slightest. In fact, she ignored him entirely to look down at Adora who was staring at her with a neutral, stunned expression. As if she were entirely unable to comprehend what she had done.

Catra wasn't sure she was able to either.

"Cadet Catra that was highly inappropriate. You are hereby disqualified from the rest of the tournament." His bark had massive bite, but Catra found herself brushing it off a lot easier than she thought she would. He then turned to Lonnie and Adora and raised his hand high. "This match ends in a draw!"

Lonnie exploded again. "A  _draw_? I beat her! She's on her knees!"

Normally Catra would've taken time to revel in Lonnie's frustration and maybe even laugh at it, but she was still staring intently at Adora, who was beginning to look more and more queasy by the second. Her stunned expression gave way to one of immense pain and she wasn't even looking at Catra anymore; her head was hung low and she clutched at her head again, nails biting into her scalp as she pushed through shaky breathing.

While Lonnie continued to argue with their commanding officer, insisting how she was clearly the sole victor, Catra walked over and placed her hands gently on Adora's shoulders, wincing at how she flinched. She looked up at their commanding officer and cleared her throat.

"Sir, I think Adora's unwell. I'm going to take her to the locker room so that she can recover."

He turned to look at her before dropping his clipboard to his side and giving her a curt nod. "Very well. I'll send someone to look in on her briefly."

Catra nodded and began working on getting Adora to her feet, blatantly ignoring Lonnie's continued outbursts. She snickered when their commanding officer shut her down, ordering her to go back to the line-up so that he could call the next pair up and she had to bite down her laughter when Lonnie did so begrudgingly.

For now, she kept all focus on Adora as she got her to unsteadily to rise to her feet and prompted her to use her as a crutch so they could both get to the locker room. Catra was sure the team was watching them leave with unchecked curiosity, but for the moment, she couldn't give less of a damn about any of them.

They only knew  _half_  of the entire clusterfuck they were in. In the end, none of them really mattered.

Soon enough, they were alone in the locker room and Catra was helping Adora to sit on one of the benches. Once she was sure that Adora wasn't going to fall over, she rushed over to the sink and filled up another cup with some water and brought it back to her. Initially Adora refused with a groan, but Catra pushed it forward with unbridled insistence.

"Adora you  _need_  to drink something."

Reluctantly, Adora complied and gingerly took the cup from her, feebly sipping on it while cradling her head. Catra remained kneeled by her side, watching her to make sure she finished it completely and propped her elbows on her knees.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

Adora didn't answer.

"You can't just goad Lonnie on like that. That girl's a short fuse. Next time I might not be there to drag your ass away when she explodes."

She half expected Adora to scoff and tell her off, saying things how she could handle herself and how she didn't need Catra to protect her. She was stubborn that way and while it was infuriating, it would at least keep her awake and talking. And with how hard she was hit in the head alongside everything else...well, Catra just didn't know what to expect anymore. It was better to stay on the safe side.

However, much to her surprise, Adora only chuckled and brought her hand down to hold the cup with two hands and raised her head to give Catra a smile. "Yeah you will. You're always there for me when I need you."

Not knowing how to respond to that, Catra remained silent. What made it worse is that  _she_  knew that wasn't actually true. But of course, Adora wouldn't know that.

She squirmed uncomfortably. She wanted to get out of there now. Away from those heartfelt eyes, away from the sincere smile that she didn't even deserve, away from the culminating lies that continued to build up every day that Adora was here, every day they were together again. She thought that having Adora back would be fun. That it would somehow reverse time and everything would go back to normal. But it was difficult when Adora wasn't here because she wanted to be. It was hard when she had memories that Adora didn't.

Memories of heartbreak. Memories of betrayal. Memories that should have separated them forever. Memories that would make Adora hate her all over again (and already have).

"You're the best friend someone like me could ask for, you know that?"

Catra choked and looked down, taking a couple seconds to collect herself before scoffing and shaking her head. She raised her head to look at Adora, brushing off the earnestness in her eyes in favor of cracking a joke. "Don't get all sappy on me now. I know it's just the brain damage talking."

"No really." Adora took another small sip of water before leaning forward until she was in Catra's space. "You've always been there for me. You're always looking out for me. Today is just an example of that."

The lump in Catra's throat made it difficult to speak and she didn't even try to fight to. Instead she sat there silently, staring at Adora, seeing a brand new person that wasn't the old Adora from before, wasn't the Adora that was She-Ra but….someone else entirely. She didn't know what to make of any of it.

So of course she deflected. "Someone will be here soon to take a look at you. You need to have that water finished before they get here."

Adora rolled her eyes before making a show of taking a longer drink of water. When she was finished she reached out to flick her forehead. "There. Happy?"

"Ecstatic," she said dryly.

Adora laughed and Catra, despite herself, found that she was smiling too. After the laughter died out, the room returned to a comfortable silence, one that was much more comfortable than before. It was all an illusion of course, one bound to end sooner or later, but Catra found that she didn't want to think about the later part. Instead she opted to relish this closeness and savor this time to keep close when those intrusive, guilty thoughts returned.

Now Adora was staring at her with a deep set frown and Catra quirked a single eyebrow. "What?"

Without a word, Adora extended her hand and used it to cup her cheek. Catra instinctively pulled away but halted when Adora's thumb brushed along her cheekbone and a stinging sensation surged through her system. She hissed.

"Lonnie's staff cut you."

Catra tentatively prodded the cut with her finger, bringing it away to inspect it. No blood. "I'm fine. It's just a shallow graze."

Adora didn't seem entirely convinced but she didn't press the matter. Instead, she seemed to be lost in the action of brushing her thumb over her cheek repeatedly, careful to avoid the cut now. Catra stared at her weirdly, opening her mouth to ask just how much brain damage Adora possibly suffered. But then Adora leaned closer and all trains of thought derailed.

She smelled….sweaty. It was an overpowering scent, one that make Catra's nose wrinkle but she stayed still nonetheless. She was at a loss for words and unsure of what was going on anymore. She opted to just let Adora do what she wanted without questioning every movement. Besides, she was so close now that she wasn't even sure she'd be able to form the words to phrase a proper question if she tried.

"I know I've been weird lately," she whispered and Catra shivered because she could feel her breath on her nose. "Everything just feels...off. I have these weird dreams every night with all these...faces that I don't recognize but they still feel familiar. And I hear voices in and out of my dreams and they're so  _loud_. And my head always hurts and I don't know how to make it stop…" As if on cue, she winced and Catra raised a hand to her shoulder to steady her. Adora smiled appreciatively and Catra stopped breathing.

"But you've been there for me through all of it. All my weirdness, all this dumb stuff...you're there helping and protecting me. Sometimes it feels like I don't deserve any of it. Or you."

Catra shook her head, but just barely, wanting to spew denial or crack a joke or just walk away entirely. Because Adora was wrong about all of that. And if she knew, if she  _remembered_ , Catra knew she'd take all of what she was saying back in a heartbeat.

But she didn't stop her. She couldn't. Shadow Weaver forbid it.

And maybe...maybe she was afraid of what would happen if she did. Not because of Shadow Weaver. But because of Adora. She didn't want her getting hurt again. She didn't want to sit through another night of one of her fitful sleeps post-mind wipe, the guilt gnawing at her and leaving her raw.

And most of all….maybe she didn't want her to stop. This is what she always wanted to hear.

Would it be so wrong for her to be happy, even if just for a little while?

(Even if it was at the expense of her friend's suffering?)

Catra tightly shut her eyes, willing the intrusive thoughts away and restraining the urge to reveal everything there and then. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.

When did she become so soft?

Soft.

She could feel something soft. Pressing. It was...nice.

She leaned into it, responding in kind to the pressure, not giving thought or care to what it was. She let it consume her, comfort and console her, and soon enough she was wrapped in the sensation that was chasing the darkness of her thoughts away.

Something tickled her cheek, caressing it gently and the pressure increased following it. She pressed back harder, not wanting to be outmatched.

Her lungs burned something fierce but the coolness of Adora's hand still on her cheek quelled it, dampening it down to a sputtering spark that lit her heart aflame as it fluttered in her chest. Instinctively her hands reached out, wanted to bring that softness closer, to capture it and make it hers forever. She never wanted it to end. She never wanted to let it go.

Her hand landed on something warm and after a few seconds of consideration she deduced that she was clutching the back of Adora's neck. Her skin burned her fingertips. She didn't care.

Soon enough, a fire began to burn in her lungs, reignited and charring. She let it burn.

Adora suddenly winced, causing Catra to wince too when a sharp pain clamped down on her bottom lip. Adora pulled away, a hiss of pain leaving her lips and bouncing off Catra's own tingling ones. She absently licked her bottom lip, running her tongue over the part where Adora's teeth had dug in.

Her eyes flew open and she watched Adora in concern as her brow furrowed and she ducked her head against the pain. Catra noticed that her hand still rested on the nape of Adora's neck and slowly, hesitantly, she let it slide away.

"Adora…"

Blue eyes blinked open and she offered a breathless smile. "S-sorry."

"No it's-"

"Catra. Adora."

Both girls jumped apart and a cold dread washed over Catra, extinguishing the fire immediately.

No.

 _No no no no no no no_.

She whipped around to turn to the entrance of the locker room, eyes widening in fear and heart sinking when she recognized the person standing there.

 _Goddammit no_.

She leapt to her feet and turned to Shadow Weaver fully, standing at full attention and praying that she hadn't seen anything. She pleaded silently, asking whatever benevolent forces of the universe that still cared for her that she hadn't…

"I'm here for Adora."

Catra sputtered. "They sent  _you_  to look at her?"

Shadow Weaver fixed her with a chilling glare and Catra's body was wracked with shivers. Looking into those soulless eyes behind the mask, Catra knew in that moment that she had seen  _everything_.

_No please why._

"I'm her caretaker. The better question is why they entrusted  _you_  to look after her."

She wanted to retort back with something defiant, something snarky. But right now she was rooted in her own horror of realization on what had happened and what was going to happen.

_Why now?_

Ignoring her in favor of turning to Adora who sat there silently on the bench, still clutching her cup of water, Shadow Weaver held out her hand with her palm turned upwards. "Come with me, Adora. I'll fix everything."

"No!"

The word was out of her mouth before she could catch herself. Her fists were clenched by her sides, shaking, nails biting into the skin of her palms. Shadow Weaver turned to her coolly, uncaring.

"You're in no place to deny me, girl."

"You can't keep doing this!" she shouted. "You can't do this every time something happens that you don't like! You're  _hurting_ her!"

The shadows in the room flared and threw the room into darkness, wrapping around her and constraining her with their icy, suffocating hold. She gasped for air and struggled against them, but it was fruitless. All of it was.

"I will do this as many times necessary. Adora  _will_  be obedient. Any signs that show otherwise will be snuffed out. And if you are going to get in my way, I  _will_ dispose of you. I have no qualms against doing so." Her eyes narrowed and she leaned dangerously close, her imposing form towering over her. "Do I make myself clear?"

Catra scowled. "If Lord Hordak knew what you were doing…"

"He's already given me all the permission I need. Your threats are futile, little girl."

Catra scoffed. "He said you had  _one_  chance! You've been doing this over and over again for  _months_! If he really knew…."

"But he won't because I've strictly forbidden you to say a word to him. And you know what I'll do to you  _and_  Adora if he ever finds out."

Catra pressed her lips together. She wanted to keep fighting this. She couldn't take it anymore. She was just so  _done_  with all of it. But out of fear, for herself and for Adora….she remained silent.

Shadow Weaver took that as compliance and released her. She fell to her knees and watched helplessly as Shadow Weaver collected a confused Adora from the bench. The two girls locked eyes as Shadow Weaver escorted her out and Catra felt physically sick at the unhidden fear in Adora's eyes.

She wanted help. She needed it. Instead, Catra shut her eyes to block it all out, listening as Adora began to frantically ask questions, only for Shadow Weaver to effectively sidestep them all and insist on how she was going to make everything better shortly.

Soon enough, she was alone. Her chest ached and her throat was so locked that she struggled to breathe. She didn't want to think about what was about to happen, about what Adora was about to go through for what must've been the dozenth time.

And it was all her fault.

Her breath hitched and she realized she was outright sobbing. Her breath fell short and she clawed at the floor, trying to grasp onto some semblance of control but no matter how much she reached out, there was nothing to grab onto.

She didn't want to be apart of this anymore.

This was  _not_  what she wanted at all. It was always about what Shadow Weaver wanted. And she was too selfish and caught up in her own desires to realize that.

What kind of "best" friend did that?

**Author's Note:**

> Like my writing? Check out more @ technoskittles.tumblr.com/tagged/ash-writes


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